Wanna buy a railroad? ( ask first, unless invited, thanks! )

by Vesta Voui Sat May 23, 2009 1:06 pm

"A railroad......?"

"That's right, pick up the package over there and see how many you can sell," those were the words spoken around a Cuban cigar being smoked by a large and round man behind a rickety wooden desk in a small square office with dirty white blinds which shut out any natural light. The glow from the long florescent bulbs cast an eerie greenish light around the room and made the mans teeth - partially seen when he spoke - a putrid type of yellow. If smoking cigars did that to teeth then it was a definite no-go for listener. "Gal like you shouldn't have any trouble at all making a sell or twenty."

Twenty? Twenty railroads? She didn't even know if she could sell one and he tossed out a number like twenty. And another thing: where their even railroads in Rhydin? There had to be, somewhere, or else this man - the owner of Rhydin Race cars and Railways - was a very ambitious person.

"Mister Kae--" was all she was able to get out before being cut off by the nerve curling screech the mans chair made in protest as he shifted around in it. That seat was crying out for oil, it probably
was as rusty as this office was dirty.

"None of that there talk. Flawless determination, that's what we're about." A few scattered knick-knacks on the desk jumped and shook as the mans hand beat down on the desk. The rickety object wobbled a bit but, for now, still stood. "Persistence, determination, and self-preservation; remember the three 'R's and you'll go far in this business."

The one who was listening to all of this (even the words that didn't start with R) took a step back as he approached and she started to raise a finger to speak but be kept on talking. He even moved her
aside and picked up the bulky looking white rectangular package with a picture of train tracks on the side. Actually tracks couldn't really be in there, could it?

"Here," and the package was tossed and the Listener - who thought it was going to be as heavy and bulky as it looked - stumbled backwards under the lightness of it all. But that's not the only thing that
happened, something that was hidden in the Listeners purple and black stripped vest moved too.

Well, looked like she was going to sell railroads.

This is how the Listener - who turned out to be Vesta - found her way to the Eastern Forest, holding that package and looking around for some house. Blink had said something about someone being here. At least that's what she got from all those blinks and points he was doing. Maybe the local wildlife had residential tips.

Trust the squirrel, that's what she would do. Looking around she saw a straggly type of door. Really, she should knock, but it looked a bit off. Next best thing was gathering a few pebbles. With careful aim she tossed them at the door. There. Pebble knocking.

Knock. Knock.

by Guest Sat May 23, 2009 7:28 pm

Whenever one Silas Byke moved the first thing he did was build a railroad.
No.
ALMOST the first thing one Silas Byke did was build a railroad.
The first thing any real evil villain did was set up their lair.
He already painted the walls with #00666872 ACME Evil Villain Decor Matte Paint 32-W "Dirty Dingy Dastardly Grey",
And covered the floor in #10333458 ACME Evil Villain Decor Floor Treatment "Cracking Creaky Floor Coating" Shade 6-E "Decaying Muddy Maple".
The shack was four rooms not including the basement the attic and the secret room.
The secret room didn't come with the shack, he'd built it with #01984441 ACME "Sneaky Spy Build-A-Secret-Room Kit":
Looked like a broken dishwasher, really a doorway to a room double the size of a phone booth.
That's where he'd store his damsel in distress.
Part III of his Master Plan depended on Part II of his Master Plan:
Acquiring a Damsel to Distress.

But he was still on Part I Setting Up The Dastardly Lair.
Doing #13 on the list:
Installing the central power grid with #30884467 ACME's "Pull My Lever Universally Compatible Wiring Buttons and Levers Kit", Model XXX "Maximum Length Levers".
That's when, "A knock?"
Hissed from the chapped lips of one Silas Byke as he drew back from his console in a slinking lunge,
He grabbed his dirty black cape and pulled it up over his face.
Beady eyes peered over said cape as he snatched his #0084789504 ACME Evil Villain Midnight Black Stove Pipe Top Hat With Wickedly Wide Brim and put it on his head.
Next came his creeping,
The creepy creeping of slowly taken steps.
One foot other foot each lifted high before stepping out with a long lurching step forward as the dastardly fiend lunched backward.
It was the only way to walk to make the floor creak maximum
Creak,
Creak,
Creak-creak-creak-creak
Creeeeeeeeeak.
A single beady black eye pressed to the peep hole.

Slooow arch of evil eyebrow at what he saw.
Grease stained fingers as pale as #00645582 ACME Evil Villain Foundation Shade 3D "White As Winter Bones" reached up to clutch the tip of his malevolent mustache.
Twirled as he hissed to himself, "Now what do we have outside my door,
Yessss what do we have Ssssilas Byke."
A damsel.
He knew immediately what to do.
He licked the tips of his greasy fingers.
One side of his mustache was pulled out long and straight.
Then the other side.
He licked again.
One eyebrow was traced.
Then the other eyebrow.
He licked one more time,
And pulled down on his long wicked fiendish goatee.
Now one Silas Byke was ready to answer the door.

Creeeeeeeeeak was the door as it opened.
That had been Part I Setting Up The Dastardly Lair #8 on the list:
Lubricating all doors and windows with #11000087 ACME How To Haunt Your House Hinge Lubricant 004 "Commercial Strength Creak".
He opened the door halfway.
He was a tall dark and fiendish man over six feet tall.
He hunched down to her height as he leaned towards her.
His beady black eyes with #0054789561 ACME Eyes Spy Corrective Contact Lenses Style 12C "Evil Villain Terribly Tar Black" looked her over.
His greasy fingers stroked his goatee twice before slowly,
Slowly,
A fiendish smile slithered across his face.
His teeth were yellowed thanks to #55521645 ACME Evil Villain Dental Care Product 24H "Yellow Stain With Extra Strength Tartar Control".
He leaned in closer and took a long slow sniff of the dainty damsel before him.
"Yesssssss, my delicious petal?"
Asked one Silas Byke who knew today was his lucky day.

by Vesta Voui Wed May 27, 2009 5:31 pm

Well, what do you know, the old 'throw-pebbles-at-the-door-to-keep-from-physically-knocking-on-it' worked, and without consequences too! The last time she had done something like that she was back home, and old lady Witherby had accused Vesta of trying to stone an old lady to death. The rocks had stopped coming when the door opened - okay, so maybe one stray rock was fired off when the door was opening - but it wasn't a stoning.

That was then, this was now, and she had a squirrel to tell her to stop throwing rocks and get ready to deliver her pitch. He did this all by swishing his tail around the inside of her shirt (it seemed to be his new place to ride since that strange hawk attack a few weeks ago) and looked at her with a series of blinks. She was getting pretty good at this communication thing.

Anyway, the door was opening, she stopped throwing the pebbles, Blink calmed down, and she was now looking at man who could very well be 'Boris' from Bullwinkle, or some other dastardly villain. She knocked on the right house to sell railroads! What luck! In all the black and whites these guys always had large elaborate movements, throw-the-head-back laughs and railroads. They were always putting someone on the train track as tinkering piano music played in the background. Wait... what if he already has one? Well! She'd just have to convince him to upgrade!

Now, for the pitch.

"Have you ever woke up one morning and said to yourself, 'my, what a perfect day it is to tie someone down? Ever get that oh-so-lucky person wrapped up in rope only to find that all the train tracks are hunkered down with trains are are too far away to walk and as a last resort you use your toy train set only to be disappointed?" In the spirit of things she had a lively and chipper tone. All smiles across her face! "With this handy portable and extractable authentic railroad track from Rhy'din Railways and Racecars your problems are over!"

Of course, she had to speak fast just in case he was going to slam the door in her face or do some other dastardly deed. Not too fast that she wasn't understood. Vesta brought the large rectangular box around to the front to display the picture of a train track stretching diagonally from one side of the box to the other. There was a train on the box but there was also large lettering that said 'Train Not Included!"

"Sound interesting, got your attention? It can be yours for the low-low price of your choosing! You tell me how many feet of track you want and that's how much you pay! One gold for every 2 feet! Can't get a better deal than that, these are genuine cast iron steel tracks. Guaranteed to hold the weight of trains or your morning victim."

Hopefully she wouldn't end up as his morning victim

by Guest Fri May 29, 2009 7:53 pm

What was this?
Selling a railroad, she said?
"Selling a railroad, you said?" Rasped one potentially delighted Silas Byke.
The rasp was something he took great pains to perfect.
It was accomplished with a combination of two ACME products:
#00456584 "How To Talk Like an Evil Villain Training Tapes One Through Seven", Lesson #13 "The Right Way to a Rickety Rasp"
And #00485873 Evil Villain Lugubrious Lozenge 2D Really Raspy Raspberry.
The pair created the perfect vocal crackle.
Almost as important as a perfect vocal cackle.

He did not slam the door.
He did not do some other dastardly deed......yet.
What he did do was twirl his mustache through her entire pitch.
Many might suspect that it courtesy of ACME's #33345783 Evil Villain Mustache-in-a-Minute Kit which advertised "Just lick it and stick it!"
No, no.
The mustache was courtesy of painstaking care and clipping on the part of one Silas Byke.
Au natural, perfect for twirling.
Especially when one wanted to look pensive.
And through her pitch oh yes he did look pensive.
As pensive as an evil villain could be.

"One gold..." he hissed as he twirled.
"For every two feet..." he rasped as he licked and smoothed each side once more.
"Yessssss..." he agreed. "That's not a bad price, that's not a bad price at all. But..."
There was always a but.
One Silas Byke indicated his but by holding up a single finger.
Long boney and as white as #00645582 ACME Evil Villain Foundation Shade 3D "White As Winter Bones",
She might notice each long ill-cut nail was yellowed and dirty thanks to #00000024 ACME Evil Villain Grooming Line 33-3-G Nefarious Nails Shade RR1 "Yucky Yellow Lacquer".
"But." He said a second time over pronouncing the 't' so hard a piece of spittle went flying.
"My delicate flower my sssweet smelling lovely, there is one problem:
Your box.
It says the train is not included."

He stepped forward with a slinking sneaky creaky lunge,
Sliding his back foot forward behind him slowly thereafter.
Long boney and white fingers reached out, out, out and around to clasp about her shoulder.
He was close.
So close she could be able to smell his salivating scent.
Courtesy of #12332180 ACME Evil Villain Grooming Line 65-3E "Dark Dank Dirty and Dusty Musky".
"I cannot succeed at Part III of my dastardly plan if I don't have a train for these tracks." He informed.
When he paused he leaned in further,
And breathed her in so deeply he wheezed and coughed.
"Ssso what," another spittle from his 't' "Do you think we should do about that my enterprising little bloom?"
His knobby knuckled fingers clenched tighter on her shoulder
As he waited for the answer.

by Vesta Voui Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:50 pm

At the first step forward, she was cool, as she was told that often times the customer might step closer and all that to get a better look at the package. It didn’t matter if the package was as large as a billboard on the Jersey turnpike; people were still going to step up to it to get a better look. So he stepped closer and Vesta turned the package thinking that all he wanted to do was get a better look while he smoothed out that mustache of his.

It reminded her of a painting. Or rather a defaced painting, the type you see where some kid has drawn a mustache on a perfectly perfect work of art all for the sake of messing with it? Yeah, that’s the one. Thinking of that made her wonder if it was drawn on or sculpted. She’d go with sculpted ‘cause it didn’t move at all! But the movement of the mustache wasn’t to awefully important at the moment, what was was the fact that he was moving even closer and in Vesta’s head she could hear the first few tinkering notes from an old fashioned piano being heard through a black and white projector. Maybe she was going to be . . . .

. . . railroad?

Caught up in the thought of being one of those people tied to a railroad she had drifted out of the now and into a possible then. Only to find that in the ‘now’ a boney thin hand had latched on to her shoulder and Blink had popped his head up form between her breast and was looking at the guy with his own beady eyes.

Vesta turned her head in the direction of that hand upon her shoulder and tilted down her chin and turned down her eyes to look at it. Was that the actual color of his hands or was it a type of dye and powder? “Wicked hands dude.” well they were, “but mind taking them off my shoulder? They kinda kill the whole arm gesture thing I had going on.” It did. How could she continue talking with her hands if her shoulder was limited? She could, just that she’d have to make smaller gestures.

“As for the train, that’s a whole ‘nother kit-n-caboodle.” Shifting that large package and setting it on the ground, holding it partially between her knees, she reached into her back pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. A flick and a shake had the folds gone and on it was a picture of an old fashioned steam engine from the west. “A genuine steam engine from the old west. It’s not faster than a locomotive but it’s guaranteed to, with enough steam, knock down buildings in a single pass and bring ear splitting screams to anyone tied on the track.”

The paper was being held up at his eye level. ‘It’s 35 feet long and sells for 100 gold but!” making a dramatic pause. “If you buy today, I’ll give it to you for 80.”

Now, if only he’d let go of her shoulder….

(picture of the train!)

Wanna buy a railroad? ( ask first, unless invited, thanks! Jupiter_2

Wanna buy a railroad? ( ask first, unless invited, thanks! Jupiter_2

by Guest Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:23 pm

"I moisturize," was the hissed reply of the fiend about his hand.
He did moisturize,
Curiously he chose to moisturize from ACME's Hapless Helpless Heroine Line, product #55557878 RR7 Smoothest Silkiest Sensitive Skin.
Perhaps the Evil Villain line did not have satisfactory moisturizer.
Or perhaps...........

But she wanted his hand removed from her shoulder.
The idea of this brought a villainous grin to the thin chapped lips of one Silas Byke,
Putting each of his #55521645 ACME Evil Villain Dental Care Product 24H "Yellow Stain With Extra Strength Tartar Control" teeth on display.
Her request only made him lean in closer,
Closer,
Until she'd feel his damp dastardly breath on her ear and neck.
It smelled of #00485873 Evil Villain Lugubrious Lozenge 2D Really Raspy Raspberry.
"It is customary in my country to make deals with one hand upon the seller's shoulder, my small succulent petal."
A whole country of Silas Bykes, how scary a thought.
"Do you know why, my most sweet smelling delight?"
His hand tightened its vice a little bit more.
"It keeps the seller honesssssst as he - or she - makes their deals."
Silas Byke was not a good man to try and swindle.
That is what his grip said.

Then the devil of the dastardly kind stared down the squirrel.
Unlike Blink he did not.
Not blinking was simple for one Silas Byke.
That's what his ACME #65656565 Sixteen Minute Staredown Super Strength eye drops were for:
Good for one sixteen minute staredown per hour or your money back.
"I don't like you," he hissed at the squirrel.
Maybe that was the squirrel's only warning.
Perhaps Silas Byke wanted to test out how his new steamroller handled furry speed bumps.
Yesssss, perhaps.

But the tasty treat of a female had a train for sale.
This got the attention of the nefarious villain.
"A ssssteam engine," he hissed as he thought it over.
Genuine from the west,
That could mean only one thing.
"Ussssed?"
He sounded displeased as he turned his beady black eyes upon Vesta.
"I don't buy anything used unless I first see the Trainfax."
Not to mention "The price,"
Added as he narrowed his eyes into suspiciously small slits,
"Is also ssssteep.......I will buy 2,640 boxes of this track if you sell me this train for a ssssingle gold piece."
She would make a 2,641GP sale.
Not bad, yesss?

by Vesta Voui Sun Jun 07, 2009 9:27 pm

He didn't like Blink. That's okay, but the way the squirrel was tensing up against her breast Vesta could tell that he didn't give a fig for the man either - and Blink shared his figs when he had them! Good thing Vesta wasn't selling figs to this guy.

This black curled mustache guy with the boney hands moistened with feminine cream, had her a little creeped out too because of his position. He said it was done to keep people honest, okay, sure, she could see that. It would take a habitual liar to lie through the nose while those fingers were on your shoulder. He was close, but still Vesta leaned her head back to give herself a little bit of breathing room and fresh air.

Seriously, the guys teeth were as yellow as a post-it note and she wasn't even about to talk about his breath.

Since he saw the train and made his analysis - and Blink decided to keep his glaring going on from a bit deeper inside that shirt - Vesta was stuffing the picture back in her pocket.

"Haven't you ever heard of 'Train Trader'?" She posed that question to him, still keeping her head back, even coughed a little from the after effects of his breath filling her breathing space. "'We make old trains run like new.' that's their slogan. So while it may be a used train, that here there has been reoutfitted and remodeled and redirected to run like new." If what she said didn't make sense it wasn't her fault - not entirely. That's one of the selling lines for the engine. Oh the things a person had to learn to sell door-to-door.

She wasn't even lying to the man. The train did come from Train Traders, they worked in conjunction with Rhy'din Railways and Race cars, and they had their own set if rules. Lucky for her they didn't expect to much, unlike the other guy who wanted her to sell twenty railroads. So she listened as he made his haggle deal and she dug around in the pocket of her ripped jeans. It didn't sound that bad of a deal except for the train price.

"If you don't do the eighty then you'll have to get the engine coal yourself. Hear tale of coal in the caves here so..." a languid shrug with a bounce....to try and remove that hand. Jostle it a bit. "You're good. Here."

From her pocket she pulled out a half pack of Mentos mints. "I'll even toss in these Mentos. If you're going to get this close to people you need the Freshmaker."

by Guest Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:05 am

What kind of villain would he be if he hadn't heard of Train Trader?
One that didn't use trains, that's what kind.
And one Silas Byke was a fiend who had tied more damsels to the train tracks
than most trees had rings.
After five years of being a creeping creep around a dozen parts of Rhy'din,
This wouldn't be the first train he's purchased through Train Trader.
Because of the reliable supplier he was no longer worried about the Trainfax.
He knew where those Train Trader people worked, after all.
If the train broke down..........
Well let's just say it would not be one Silas Byke shaking his fists and bellowing "CURSES!".
Which is why he laughed low lechery laugh right into Vesta's ear.
It was a laugh learned from ACME #00456584 "How To Talk Like an Evil Villain Training Tapes One Through Seven", Lesson #59 "The Long Lengthy Lowdown Laugh Version 3".
After the laugh he rasped a few words he didn't want her to forget:
"You better hope it runs like a charm my pretty petal."
He twirled the tip of his evil mustache as he gave her a gruesome glare,
"Or else..........let's just ssssay I have my ways of 'registering a complaint'."
He smiled then.
It was a smile that could peel paint off of walls and wilt flowers.
Or maybe it was his breath that had that effect.

Still.
His hand slowly released her shoulder, would she be glad for that?
Released so he could use that same pale bony hand to push her sugary mints aside.
"That sssssstuff will rot your teeth," said one Silas Byke with a sneer.
"I will not be swindled into cavities."
So.
This evil villain used tooth yellowing tooth paste but didn't want cavities.
Perhaps evil villains were not covered under Rhy'dins territory-wide health plan.
Or perhaps...........

"Otherwise..........."
This transitional word meant that the topic of mints was closed for good,
Continued at Vesta's own risk.
Both his hands now free one Silas Byke raised them to chest height and turned his palms in to face each other.
In this position he could do the standard drumming of his fingertips together,
A gesture that was required of all dastardly deed-doers when they were considering closing a deal.
This particular dastardly deed-doer always did the gesture twelve times before he made his decision,
Because he liked to think of it as his fingers chiming midnight.
The evil hour.
Perhaps he was superstitious.
But that doesn't matter because Vesta would be pleased to hear,
"It's a deal."
It wasn't a bad deal for this nefarious villain because he had his own discount coal supplier who delivered coal with no shipping cost.
"2,641 gold pieces......so long as you take checksssssss."
Would she take a check from this yellow-toothed pale ratty dusty devious devil?
She would have to if she wanted the sale.

by Vesta Voui Sun Jun 14, 2009 3:25 pm

Register a compliant?

The train better run or else he'd register a complaint?

Vesta had no way of knowing that this sinister looking guy with the sculpted curly mustache knew anything about Train Trader or any other businesses that dealt with tying people to tracks and that's why she blinked when she heard him say that he would 'file a complaint'. She had been expecting something grand and dastardly and, well, 'other'.

She wouldn't complain - if the 'other' meant that she was going to find herself tied to train tracks and made up to look like a 1920's DiD (that's Damsel in Distress) then he could file away!

He took his hand away - thank god - and she could relax just a little. Not much would change anyway, Vesta was still herself and she still had to seal the deal and that meant dealing with the check issue. Who wrote checks anymore? Her shoulder was free now and she gave it a bit of a roll before reaching down her shirt to scratch Blink on the head, she wanted to assure him that she was going to be okay.

From her back pocket - yeah, she had a lot of things in her pockets - Vesta pulled out a thin white tablet and a pen. "Checks are so old school," she said while scribbling on that pad. Things like: Vesta Voui sells _____ feet of track to _____ for the amount of $ _____. It was exactly like that. With: Train included as fine print.

"Why waste your time, filling out a boring old check when all you have to do is fill in these here blanks and the deal is done! Money is automatically transferred once I submit this paper." Offering it to him with a smile, though something told her he might be set on a check.....

"You can write a check too."

by Guest Tue Jun 16, 2009 1:03 pm

Little did Vesta know that between the lines of the words of one Silas Byke was this:
His ways of registering a complaint had little to do with filing,
And a lot to do with 'other'.
So it was best for all parties concerned if the train ran like a train was supposed to run with no terrible troubles.
Yes, yes it was.

While she babbled on with another pitch about paper this time,
She would feel the unblinking stare of one Silas Byke.
He did not look impressed by her invoice.
He paused the drumming of his long white and bony fingers,
His lip curled up into a slow sluggish sneer,
And his eyebrow did something he had not had the opportunity to do in a long time.
He lifted it just like the illustration on page 118 in #23323000 ACME's
"Penultimate Poses for the Evil Person 3rd Edition - Now With Cross Referencing
Index and Color Illustrations!"
On that page the picture of Edgar the Evil showed him with his left brow crooked so high it touched his hairline.
Silas couldn't lift his brow that high but this time it was very close,
Yes, yes it was.
The idea of such method of payment clearly didn't please the nefarious villain.
No, no it didn't.

"Yesssss," he said with a haughty hiss in reply,
"I will write a check."
Five fingers curled inward.
Slowly, slowly peeling back the ratty tattered edge of his coat
So the other five fingers could dip into the torn worn pocket within.
Out he pulled his check book with matching pen.
While ACME had a finance and loan department with a full line of checks, credit cards and criminal paperwork for the Evil Villain,
One Silas Byke chose to bank at Rhy'din National Savings.
Perhaps it was because ACME's interest rates were too high.
Or perhaps.................

The agreed upon figure was scrawled in:
2,641gp.
His name was signed.
The check was ripped out and extended to her.
Clutched between knobby knuckled fingers and yellowed fingernails,
One would not expect the design on the check to be a rainbow.
But it was.
Perhaps Rhy'din National Savings had mailed him the wrong checks,
As this evil villain was cursed with his plots and plans never going the right way.
Or perhaps...............

He held the check up right in front of Vesta's eyes.
"I expect a prompt delivery........or else."
Or else a woman with pink dreadlocks and a domesticated rodent was not hard to find.

by Vesta Voui Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:55 pm

No need to add the 'or else' here with her, she was representing Rhydin Railroads and Race cars and if there was one thing they did right was make sure that the customers got what they ordered, when they ordered it, and not to long after. If she was doing door-to-door sales back home her customers would have to wait around ten days until they got what they paid for - unless she was selling candybars or girl scout cookies.

Well she wasn't selling any edible delight (this guy didn't seem the type that ate tracks for breakfast, lunch maybe, but not breakfast) but she still was able to give the guy his purchase on the spot!

After she took the check.

Always have to get the money first.

Even if it was a check. With a rainbow design. Given to her by a sinister looking man with a sculpted mustache. Rainbows. And he didn't like Blink. Okay then!

Vesta took the check and folded it in half, sticking it down between her breast for Blink to grab - and he did. Hey, the squirrel had to have some type of job and put himself to use if he was going to go along with her. Besides, maybe a person would be less inclined to reach down her shirt for money if they saw it was being guarded by a crazy squirrel?

"Can't get it any faster than this." Vesta remarked as she shifted over the train track box over to the back. There was a small key pad there and she typed in the number of tracks he wanted. Now, check this out, it had to be magic. Once she pressed the 'Enter' button the key pad the box started to shake, rattle, but fortunately did not roll, and a slip of paper came out of the side. The slip said: Track for Silas Byke - just add water.

She got his name off of the check.

"Here ya go," and it was handed out to him. "Just like it says, just add water and this slip of paper here will grow and expand to the width and length of one track, and the height of all that you've ordered. I uh, recommend you do it where you have a lot of room." He did order a lot of track.

Then she held out the picture of the train and peeled off a layer to hand it to him. "The same goes for this. Add water. Not a lot of water for either of them. Just a couple drops on each thing will do it, then stand out of the way because it will expand in less than five minutes."

Get it? Got it? Good.

A single clap and then rub of her hands she backed up. "All righty then. Great doing business with you. Enjoy your railroad."

Time to exit. Stage right.

by Guest Tue Jun 23, 2009 11:27 pm

He looked down at the paper in her hand that read "Track for Silas Byke."
Then he looked up at the woman holding it who did not read Vesta Voui but who was Vesta Voui.
Down at the paper.
Up at her.
His head started to sink down a third time.
But just when she might think he was going to look at the paper again,
His head snapped back up,
And he fixed his steely suspicious eyes at her in a squint.
He squinted at her just like the illustration on page 78 in #23323000 ACME's "Penultimate Poses for the Evil Person 3rd Edition",
And hissed at her in his most intimidating ACME certified hiss.
"Thisss paper is...a Just Add Water?
Like pancake mixxx?"
If it sounded like one Silas Byke didn't believe it,
It was because one Silas Byke looked like he didn't believe it too.

He believed that the train was Just Add Water even less.
Sneering his sneery sneer,
The nefarious no-good Silas Byke reached his long bony knobby knuckled hand out
And snatched both pieces of paper out of her silky skinned grasp.
"We'll see about thisss,
Won't we..........
Miss Vesta Voui."
There was sinister in his smile,
Every one of his yellowed teeth on display for her to see.
She might be escaping now,
But that smile said if he had a problem she would be the first one he would seek.
Pity she had shown him that invoice which had her name on it -
If she hadn't he'd have been sneaking around with no more to go on than a girl and her squirrel.
But names,
Names made skulking easy,
Yes yes they did.

Maybe that's why after he said her name he LAUGHED.
Throwing his weight backward in a lurch so far back his top hat nearly fell off of his head,
He released his triumph in a perfect replica of #00456584 ACME "How To Talk Like an Evil Villain Training Tapes One Through Seven", Lesson #17 "Laughing Your Evil Way All the Way to Victory".
And just in case Miss Vesta Voui didn't get the point,
One Silas Byke hit the button on his #00225491 ACME "It's Always a Dark and Stormy Night Touch-and-Crash Thunder Generator"
And stopped his laughing long enough to shake his bony finger in her face as he bellowed "Beware!"
"BE-WARE-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

The laughter died out with a wheeze,
Because one Silas Byke was out of breath.
To cover up the silence he hit the button on his Touch-and-Crash Thunder Generator one last time,
To play as he stepped back through his door with a long lunge and a dastardly swoop of his cape.
The movements ended with a swooshing sweep of his arm,
So Miss Vesta Voui got the door slammed in her face.
Unless she had already escaped stage right.

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